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Operation:Grayditch Part 3

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Operation:Grayditch Part 3

Post  LegendaryFroggy on 29th August 2009, 6:28 am

"FUCK!" Yelled Captain, with great despair in his voice. "How are we supposed to get out of here?!" said Jiggs. "Sir, the medic said we should.." and just at that time the western side of the building collapsed. And out of nowhere, something grabbed Jiggs. "HELP! SHIT I DON'T WANNA DIE!" yelled jiggs as he reached for his combat knife. Just as we raised our guns, blood flowed from jiggs' body. "Urghh...aughhh" said Jiggs, as blood came out of his mouth. Then, one soldier was flung to the wall. "What the hell!" Just as we were to open fire a the medic stabbed himself with Jiggs' combat knife. "Doc, what the hell!". "That thing, its going to kill us all..." and he just fell to the ground. All the bodies fell to the floor. "Run!" said barricade as we all made for the Fire Exit. "AHH" said one of the soldiers as he fell to the floor. "Im not leaving you behind!" said barricade. "Barricade lets move!" yelled Captain. As we all made for the door i turned around to look at Barricade, being lifted up by an invisible creature. "Don't leave me". I couldn't get his voice out of my head! I ran to the door with the rest of the squad. Once we were out 2 fighter jets roared above us. "Shit, they're purging this Sector!" We all ran to the Courtyard, behind the Town Hall. There sat 2 Black Hawks, Ready to lift off.
Part 4 will be the last one. Although i doubt anyone would care....
Anyway tell me what you think. Be harsh i don't care.

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Re: Operation:Grayditch Part 3

Post  ABigSoggy Wafle on 1st September 2009, 8:54 pm

Not bad. Seen much worse. The dialog grammer is a bit messy though. 'Member to hit that enter button everytime a new character is speaking. It is also a bit short. Also I am getting a feeling that you are writing for your own gain or just out of bordem or habit. Well that is a start. I want to see how this turns out.
ABigSoggy Wafle
ABigSoggy Wafle
Cry Owes Me A Custom Title
Cry Owes Me A Custom Title

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