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The Stronghold

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The Stronghold

Post  Made in Finland on 3rd April 2010, 3:37 pm

Before you read the first part of the story, I wish you would read this introduction to it first (I never read them myself, and that's why I'm specifically asking you to read it).

I got the idea for making a story with Undead Xbox members in it several months ago, and this is that story. It took me a long time to even start writing anything, but for those months between now and when I announced it, I have been thinking of a lot of things I want to do with this story. I have several plotlines already thought out, and lots of twists to come. However, I still have basically nothing written down. But now I feel that I have enough material to begin writing the story.

The main reason it took this long to even begin writing was because I didn't know how to start the story, and what the name should be. Those things have bugged me for so long, and at this point I'm still quite unsure about them. From the very beginning of this project one element has always been there; A Stronghold of survivors, which is a sort of metaphor to this forum. So in the beginning, the stronghold is small and has only few members, but eventually it has almost 2000 survivors living there, just like this forum. That is why I chose "The Stronghold" as the name.

And I decided to open the story with one of the main protagonists reading his diary about the 1st day of the outbreak. I am still quite unsure about the opening, and the name, so if I think of a better way to open it, or a better name, I still might go back and scratch the project and start from ground zero again. Consider this a sort of "beta" which might or might not be improved in the future.

And one more thing. I have never ever written a story in english, so please forgive me if it sounds awkward. And if it does, please make a comment about it. All kinds of feedback is welcome, especially negative feedback, cause you know what they say. You learn from your mistakes.

Now please enjoy!

The Stronghold
"The Opening"

September, 28. 2015 Day 1

We managed to barricade an old warehouse in the middle of a industrial area, not too far from the city. We were all on the last evacuation bus heading for the governments stronghold up north, but we didn't get far from the city before the soldier driving the bus turned into one of them a zombie and attacked the soldier guarding us. The bus crashed, but thankfully none of the people inside were seriously injured. The soldier had shot the driver and then shot himself with his sidearm. No one knew why, but I guess he couldn't handle having to shoot his friend, and decided to end his own life. we later found out that the infection spreads through bites and scratches, and he probably knew it too and didn't want to turn into one of them a zombie.

The sun was already setting down, and that's when they the zombies come out. We didn't have enough time to go back to the city, to our homes. Instead, we picked up the soldiers weapons and headed towards a nearby industrial area looking for shelter. Thankfully some of the people we had on the bus had at least a little experience with weapons.

By the time we had arrived to the industrial area, it was already night. I could hear screams and gunshots from the city. Apparently not everyone had made it to the evacuation centre in time. We wandered deeper in to the industrial area, looking for a good place to barricade. So far every warehouse and building had far too many windows and doors to be barricaded tonight. But then, out of nowhere a perfect building was in front of us. A huge, very old warehouse made out of bricks, and with only one back entrance. It had several windows, but all of them so high no human could reach them.

Inside were thousands of wooden crates, and on the other side of the building there were huge, metal doors. They were electronically controlled, and the electricity was out so nothing was coming through those doors this night. We gathered the strongest of men and pushed some really heavy crates in front of the back entrance.

It seems like we can sleep without fear.


A man closed the book, and let out a short laugh. “Diary of D. Ape” he said. The words engraved to the back cover of that black book. “What a silly name. As a kid, I always got bullied just because of that name. But that didn't slow me down, and here I am. The leader of the biggest stronghold of survivors in this hell hole we used to call earth!”

To be continued!

"The Opening" was written in less than 2 hours, but after over 2 months of planning.


Last edited by Made in Finland on 3rd April 2010, 5:01 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  DeadApe on 3rd April 2010, 4:07 pm

I like it. Very interesting to see where this is going. There are no problems with your English except for this one line

Inside was thousands of wooden crates,
Inside WERE thousands of wooden crates.

Thats no big deal though.

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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Made in Finland on 3rd April 2010, 4:25 pm

Fix'd! Glad you like it. Tomorrow will probably be part 2, but it'll take some time before the action starts.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  AaUndeadMarine on 3rd April 2010, 4:34 pm

I like it Fin. but also it was night and I could screams

you just forgot to say HEAR screams but I didn't see any other problems.

can;t wait for part two
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The Stronghold

Post  beedz101 on 4th April 2010, 3:51 am

it was awsome to read cant wait for the rest
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Jagdgeschwader on 7th April 2010, 2:37 am

So pretty much everyone on this forum is involved (technically due to the number) but it mainly revolves around the 30+ members who make themselves stand out and are continually active. That's interesting. That's actually really cool. Hope you go on with this story. Like I've said before I usually don't like stories on this forum because either they arn't in correct format or they just don't grasp your attention. But this is good. You should keep writing it.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Made in Finland on 9th April 2010, 11:37 am

Sorry guys, I said I would write part 2 the day after posting The Opening, but some other shit came up, so it got delayed all the way to this weekend. I'll get on with writing it soon...

Also thanks for the feedback, all of you.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  oO Coggy Oo on 9th April 2010, 11:59 am

Made in Finland wrote:Fix'd! Glad you like it. Tomorrow will probably be part 2, but it'll take some time before the action starts.
. The story was great even though there wasn't much action. You should definetly keep writing it
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  snake eyez 89 on 9th April 2010, 2:37 pm

cant wait 4 part 2 keep up the good work Smile
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Namorg on 9th April 2010, 6:24 pm

finally got around to read it, it was really good
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Cry Vengeance on 9th April 2010, 7:17 pm

I'm very proud of you Fin, I've been waiting to see what that mind of yours would crank out, and it's very impressive.

Good Work.

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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Made in Finland on 11th April 2010, 4:52 pm

The Stronghold
Evolving?

Ape put the book down, and took a look around the room. It was a small room in the third floor of the only office building of the whole industrial area. He was in a room that had originally been nothing but a storage room with boring white walls, but when nothing but a dim desk light was lit up, the white walls got a nice brownish shade. That colour helped Ape relax and think. That's why he had chosen that small storage room as his office. The room had had only one office desk, his chair behind it and two chairs for visitors. Behind Ape's chair was a huge bulletin board on the wall, which used to be covered in paper and post-it notes. Ape had replaced them with a map of the city he found from a drawer of the desk. That map was full of markings, stores they had already raided, blocked roads, shortcuts through alleys and apartment buildings, ammo stashes, all kinds of useful information.

Ape opened the diary again and browsed through all the entries he had made in the past. He stopped at the last entry, which was almost a month old already. It described how their last raid to the city went and what they had salvaged. He flipped a new, blank page and picked up a pen. That's why he had taken the diary out his desk drawer in the first place.

Day 581

Over the course of last two weeks I have received several reports of zombies walking in the daylight near our stronghold. It's not like it hasn't happened before, but normally there is one or two ever month. Last week alone we had 37, and this week isn't over yet and we've already had 31. Earlier it has just been a zombie that didn't crawl in to some dark hole before sunrise and thought it was good idea to come near our stronghold in broad daylight, but now... Now I think the zombies are starting get over their fear of sunlight. If that is true, our whole lifestyle is in danger.

If we have to defend the stronghold around the clock and can't go out and raid the city in daylight, we'll run out of supplies soon. We have managed to grow some plants inside the stronghold, but that's not enough to feed almost 3000 people we have at the moment, and we don't have the resources to expand those plantations fast enough, if at all.


Ape closed the book, put it in the drawer and locked it. He got up and headed out of the building. Behind his door there was a hallway. On the left side a bathroom and on the right side a bedroom. At the other end of the hallway were stairs leading downstairs. In the second floor there had been five offices for the owners of different buildings around the industrial area. Those offices had been turned into bedrooms for Ape's elite subordinates, law enforcement of the Stronghold. But right now there was no one there, so Ape continued down the stairs.

The ground floor, which had been a reception area and a bunch of smaller offices and storage rooms, had been turned in to the living quarters for the “Veterans”, a group mainly consistent of people who were on that bus on Day 1 and are still alive, but many people have been granted the title of Veteran for heroic acts. No one in that floor either. Ape continued through the main door to the streets. It was past midday already, but only a few people were at the streets. Most people were sleeping, so they can defend the Stronghold when the night falls.

Big storehouses were blocking the sun and the streets were covered in cardboard boxes, broken bottles, empty barrels, and other trash. After walking a couple blocks, Ape reached the main road going through the industrial area. At both ends of that road were heavily guarded gates and a garage. He headed for the gate leading to the city.
After a good ten minutes walk, he arrived at the garage. After few minutes he found the person he was looking for, “A.A.”.

A.A. had been in the city all alone for over a year since the outbreak, salvaging supplies from grocery stores in daylight and hiding on roofs that were basically impossible for a zombie to reach over night. Until one day he bumped into a group of raiders from the Stronghold. Physically he was still in good shape, but being alone for such long of time made him go psycho when he met living people. For all that time he thought he was the last man on earth, so seeing other survivors made him think he was hallucinating. He tried to shoot them down, but luckily he had run out of ammo ages ago. Otherwise there would have been many casualties. Instead, survivors from the Stronghold knocked him out and brought him back to the Stronghold, where Ape explained what was going on. Turned out he had been in the marines so his gun expertise was one of the best in the Stronghold, and that he had been playing around with cars and bikes since he was a kid so he was great at mechanics too. Those to things made him one of the most valuable assets to the Stronghold.

“Yo, A.A.” Ape said to A.A. who was under a truck fixing something. “Is that you, DeadApe?” he responded. “DeadApe... I'm still not used to that name.” Ape though to himself. Everyone had a nickname in the Stronghold, and hardly no one was called by their real name anymore.
“Yea, it's me.” A.A. pulled himself from under the car and started talking. “Look, I already told Cry. I didn't steal those parts, it's just...”
“I'm not here for that.” DeadApe interrupted. “Oh... Ok, what is it that you want then?”
“You goin' to the city today?”
“I always do, don't I?” A.A. said and put on a big grin. “That's why I'm askin' you first... I wanna come along this time, was wondering if you could gimme a ride?”
“Yeah, sure, why not? One of the Vets already called shotgun, but I can put him on the back if you want...”
“No no, I'm fine with being on the back... Ok, I guess that's all then? See you in an hour.” having that said, DeadApe left A.A. “Gotcha, in an hour” A.A. shouted to DeadApe, then went under his truck and continued fixing it.

To be continued!
________________

There you have it. In case someone didn't realise who A.A. is, it's AaUndeadMarine. At first I was gonna make the mechanic dude some older member, but going through this thread made me realise that he is perfect for that role.

Also from now on I will try to release one chapter each week, so there won't be more untill the next weekend. This way I won't make too hasty decisions with where the story should go (yes, at the moment I am still doing it on the run, but some major plot twists are already thought out).

Like last time, feedback is welcome. Especially on the conversation between DeadApe and A.A.. That conversation took most of the time writing this chapter, cause I'm not that good with making up conversations. I still think it sounds kind of un-natural...
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Namorg on 11th April 2010, 6:16 pm

It was really good, the kind of good that makes me want to keep reading.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Spiderman on 11th April 2010, 6:38 pm

I think this is the only story here I actually read. Keep em coming.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Namorg on 11th April 2010, 6:40 pm

Knoxville912 wrote:I think this is the only story here I actually read. Keep em coming.

true that
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  DeadApe on 11th April 2010, 7:26 pm

Very interesting. I like the tie-ins with the forum (veterans, 3000 members..) Interesting to see where this goes and I like the addition of A.A.

Some grammatical errors, right now Im doing some work on medals but when Im done Ill edit this post to show.

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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Jagdgeschwader on 13th April 2010, 7:48 pm

No doubt one of the best stories. You could write a book. It makes me wish that I could discover this site when it's finished so I don't have to wait. Haha! And about the conversation, just try to talk yourself a conversation. Say something, and then say something that the person might respond back with. Etc. It sounds good though.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  B Mane65 on 13th April 2010, 10:00 pm

very interesting story Fin, you've incorporated UX into with such high degree that it makes me wonder if im reading a master piece or just a random story Very Happy
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Made in Finland on 16th April 2010, 7:44 am

Jagdgeschwader wrote:And about the conversation, just try to talk yourself a conversation. Say something, and then say something that the person might respond back with. Etc. It sounds good though.
Not exactly what I was talking about. Making up the lines for conversation is easy, but putting it in text form is a bit harder... Thanks anyways.

And a new chapter is coming out this weekend if everything goes well.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Made in Finland on 18th April 2010, 4:08 pm

Fuck. OK, I have been sitting here on my computer for over an hour already, trying to write the next chapter. All I have gotten down so far is "Chapter 3". I know what I want to write about it, but I just can't put it on the paper no matter how hard I try.

And honestly, this whole weekend has been like that. I have had zero motivation to do anything for the whole weekend. Doing simple stuff like watching movies that I downloaded, reading, playing games. I don't have the motivation to do that either. Instead, I've been listening to music and browsing 4chan the whole fucking weekend. Depressing...

SO! I guess I'll go sleep early tonight, and leave you guys without a new chapter this weekend. If I get some time during the week, I'll try to use that for writing the new chapter. Otherwise you'll have to wait till next weekend.

PS: I don't usually write this stuff on the last moment. Normally I write it somewhere around 2-4PM on saturday, then save it and think about the chapter for the rest of the day and over the night. Then on sunday I edit it and publish.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Namorg on 18th April 2010, 6:33 pm

Shit i was looking forward to it, but its all good i can wait
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Jagdgeschwader on 4th August 2011, 6:12 pm

Whatever happened to this story Fin? It had great potential.
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Re: The Stronghold

Post  Namorg on 4th August 2011, 7:19 pm

Jagdgeschwader wrote:Whatever happened to this story Fin? It had great potential.

+1
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Big, wooden crates.

Post  KroganEnigma on 9th August 2012, 10:18 pm

Great story! Keep 'em coming!
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