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OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

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Should i make A part 2?

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OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

Post  MajorBandit007 on 29th June 2010, 1:24 pm

Tuesday, June 29th 2010

I just got to Liberty City about 2 weeks ago. It wasent a Perfect city, but it made it ways. Around Thursday June 24th The Whole city started acting really weird, People were getting into fights for no reason, getting mood swings. Even my freinds started acting weird, i knew somthing was up. Around 12 PM it looked like everyone thought people were t-bone steaks, Me and my freinds, Mathew,Ryan,Nick,Luke Decided to Barricade my house off, It was good idea too. By the time we got the whole house barricaded we decided to drive down to the gun store, just in case. When we got there it was empty no signs of life, but there where enough guns for each of us.


When we got out the city was in hell, there were bodies scattered on the street, fires out of nowhere, we decided to get back A.S.A.P When we got back there was a Guy outside our house, he wasent drenched in blood like everyone else but there was a "Wound" on his leg, looked like somone took a slice out of him. Mathew said just too let him in, when he got in, we decided to tell my brother tyler, so me, mathew,Ryan, and Luke went to go tell him, That was a mistake.
We woke Tyler up and then heard Screems down stairs, we all came down to see nick Bleeding on the floor. i went to go see if he was okay, he could barley speek without coughing out blood. Me, and mathew went looking For the guy we found(James) We Found him in the basement Scrathing the walls with blood in his teeth and all over him, he started running at me so i picked up the shotgun that i "Borrowed" from the gunshop and Shot it at James.

[TO BE CONTINUED]
By, Dylan
[Recomendations,help,anything is allowed]

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Re: OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

Post  Cry Vengeance on 29th June 2010, 2:48 pm

You should try to be more descriptive, it feels like a rushed re-telling of some drunken escapade. Just slow it down a bit, especially if your going to be making multiple parts.

Other than that, it's a pretty solid zombie story, thanks for taking an interest in writing!

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rE:vengance

Post  MajorBandit007 on 29th June 2010, 3:24 pm

Thanks, this is my first time writing so i know i need to work for a bit.

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Re: OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

Post  Cry Vengeance on 29th June 2010, 3:41 pm

No worries man, I'm just happy that you wrote it. I'm a very avid writer myself, so anytime I see someone else put up a story for us to see and scrutinize, I automatically think highly of that person.

Keep it up man.

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Re: OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

Post  DeadApe on 29th June 2010, 3:44 pm

Just make sure to keep it within this thread.

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Re: OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

Post  AaUndeadMarine on 29th June 2010, 5:48 pm

like cry said u rushed the whole plot.. should of slowed it down a bit..

like were its going though
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Re: OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

Post  MajorBandit007 on 29th June 2010, 6:27 pm

@DeadApe Does that mean i keep the new entrys in this thread or start new topic?

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Re: OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

Post  DeadApe on 29th June 2010, 6:30 pm

Keep them all here.

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Re: OutBreak Document 1: Arrival

Post  Cazio117 on 29th June 2010, 7:58 pm

DeadApe wrote:Just make sure to keep it within this thread.

MajorBandit007 wrote:@DeadApe Does that mean i keep the new entrys in this thread or start new topic?

DeadApe wrote:Keep them all here.

How was that not already made clear xD

On topic: Nice story plot seems a little rushed, Other than that good work.

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OutBreak Document 2: TOPPLER

Post  MajorBandit007 on 29th June 2010, 10:10 pm

4 weeks later.
4:00 PM Liberty City
Nick-KIA
Tyler-MIA
Dylan-Alive
Mathew-Alive
Luke-Alive
Ryan-Alive

This is getting too much, we already lost nick,Tylers gone missing. were having issues finding a place to stay, The phone lines are out, no reception, half of the buildings are burning. We eventully found a apartment building to stay in, we had to leave my house because they found us when we were there.

Around 5:00 We all scouted out Ryan,Luke are on the 7th floor, Me and Mathew are on the roof, we have easy travel thanks to a efficiant roof entrance. We got a Barricade set up, Ryan managed to find a Stereo in a Cubbard. While luke was Tampering with it trying to get a signal, me, Ryan, Mathew decided to cover the stairs, knowing the noise luke was making they knew we where there. The first Zombie Thing Ran up the stairs right toward me. I gave it 1 shot to the chest with my pistol, it dident even seem to feel it. When it got so close it tackled me to the ground, after a while of fighting with it, i couldnt fight anymore, i knew it was over for me, i just closed my eyes and waited for the pain, all i felt was teeth sinking into my arm, then the pain started to stop after i heard a shotgun get fired, i opened my eyes to see mathew holding out a hand to help me up, i had to find some bandagas, but to somewhat stupid reason there was no medic kits or medic cabnits.
my bleeding hand was getting to creepy to look at, i knew i had to go downstairs to the elevator, but we had to see if theres power in the building. luckly we found a power box on the roof, we couldnt get the switch flipped on, so we took the alternative way, We took it apart. After about 30 minites we found a circit to switch it on. As i rushed for the elevator my hand throbbed more and more, i knew i couldnt go alone, i got mathew to come, Ryan was being a jerk and told me i was throwing my life away. Me and mathew stepped into the elevator and decided to go to floor 6 just in case.



When the elevator was going down there were a couple of ruff moments. The elevator stopped and me and mathew waited for the doors to open. Too my surprise they dident, When i pressed the Emergency open button the whole control board short-circited. Mathew decided to try his luck and shoot it, when he did there was silence for a moment then a ding. The doors finally opened, me and mathew rushing out to search, we found a supply closet, but there was blood smered all over it. My hand reached out to try the handle, locked. i decided to try the old fashined way, i shot it, and the door swung open, only things seeable is the corpse with a m16 in hand, and the flikering light, and a MED KIT! i quikly rushed for it, opened it and just what i needed was the only thing left, BANDAGAGES! My exitment was interrupted by a Growl, from the "dead" body on the ground before it could get up i grabbed its m16 and ripped it head apart with it, this storage closet had everything ,Med kits, ammo. I bandaged up my hand and ran to the elevator, mathew right behind me we got in and pressed the 7th floor and were on are way! When we actully did get back up Ryan was doing circles around the room, and luke was banging his head on the desk, we heard the radio signal come on, we all looked with a smile untill we heard the news from the milatary.


The radio blarred out a voice i reconized, my brother tyler, i guess he'd gone to do his dream, work for the military, but what his voice said made me utter a cry, The voice said "The Hotel Barricuda is a High populated zombie zone, scheduled for bombing raids around 6:30" "We are Evacing All survivours at eastside docks, are last 5 evacs are going down in about 2 hours, any survivours go there now!" Right after that post i said "WHAT TIME IS IT!" Luke looked and said "6:25" i looked out the window and saw 3 armed airplanes heading our way, We started packing up i took the guns and ammo, Ryan took the food, luke took the electronics, mathew took the essentials(sleeping bags,etc) Just as our way out the door there was a BIG boom right below us, and all of us fell over and the whole place got covered with rubble smoke, and i relized the builing was falling over! Then everything went blank.
[TO BE CONTINUED]
[ANY IDEAS ON WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN POST IT!]

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Document 3:Awakening

Post  MajorBandit007 on 30th June 2010, 6:17 pm

7:00 PM
Dylan- Injured
Others- unknown


When i awoke, all i could here is moans, i got up and checked around me, after i tried getting up i reliezed my body was serouisly damaged, and my leg wasent holding up good. After a while i relized that the others were gone. maybe still alive but not with me anymore, later i found a note tapped to a car, saying that if i was reading this they went to evac. and there was a gun on the hood of the car. its the m16 i stole from the corpse in the supply closet. i decided to try and get there without getting seen by the freaks, i found whatever i could use for survival and limbed off. After 10 minutes i started to get really tired, hungry and drousy. Then i remembered the bite i had, it was throbbing like hell, i guess i dident notice becuase of the rest of my bodies pain. About 30 mins of walking i had to hide behind a wall because a huge mob of zombies was heading towards a building i was near, i relized after a bit theyll start to "mutate" because as i was hideing behind the wall somthing rumbled then the whole bottem half came crashing down and some 9 ft zombie came out trying to bash me into bits, i tried taking m16 shots at its legs but it took them like presents, and alerted all the other zombies that i was there, it took half a clip of ammo to the 9ft beast to bring it down, then i had to rush into the rubbled wall opening to reload, and get away from the horde of zombies behind me, then i had to face them all on the street, i knew they were alot more coming and i was corned in the middle of the street, i had to try to steal a car and hope the driver left the keys in, the first car i saw was a toyota supra, i rushed over to it and checked for keys, and luckly there was the keys on the driver seat, i smashed the window, opened the door, and preyed for it to start, but it wouldnt i kept figheting with the keys, then they swarmed, arms where coming threw the driver seat window, bash marks coming from ontop then the back window burst, and a zombie crawled in and jumped on my, i shot it with my m16, it fell dead in the back seat, finally the car started, and i put the pedal to the metal and sped off, but a zombie was still hanging on clawing at me! i noticed once it growled and stratched me in the face! i got my m16 and bashed its fingers off the car, and was home free!



after 10 minites of driving somthing hit the back of the car, and it was sent flying in circles down the road, all i could get a glimpse of is a big zombie with 1 huge arm then a blank out, just after, all i heard was a slam, then a explosion of blood and rubble then.........blanked out.....

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