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Just another survivor... ( Entry 1-5 )

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Just another survivor... ( Entry 1-5 ) Empty Just another survivor... ( Entry 1-5 )

Post  JonbzJon95 18th January 2010, 5:34 pm

Entry one:

My name is Jon Gray, and I am just like you all, a survivor... I've lived in Liberty City for about ten years now, living in a Town-House in Hove Beach. Where do I start off with you readers...

I was just coming home from my new job at the Pay N' Spray, being an auto mechanic, and helping the local crime escape the Police. It was like every other evening, a nice sunset setting over the street. Except, it was shockingly quiet today, but I dis-noted it and went inside. I kicked my shoes off and threw my T-shirt into the laundry basket, then flopping onto the couch and turning on the TV. It was same old, same old, except this time it was something about a "Toxic-Waste spill" in the Industrial Park Area. Weazel News crews, and a few others, were all over the seen, recording Military Units putting fences up. I just shrugged it off, clicking the off button and heading up the stairs to bed.

I woke up the next day, kicking it off as usual. I hopped into the shower and washed myself off quickly. I trimmed my beard a bit, and checking out my new Dragon Tattoo near my eye. I came downstairs and threw on a brew, finding it not turning on. I checked the plugs, and they were fine. Walking to the living room, I flipped on the TV, it being nothing but a "We are sorry, but the Network is down, please be patient." How the hell can this be? I checked out the window, finding a car or two collided with each other. The drivers of the vehicles were out of their window, lying motionless on their hoods. I went into a panic-like shock, running upstairs to my phone.

I tried dialing 911, but nothing. As I put the phone down, something was banging at my door. I went to the top of my stairs trying to see what it was. Each step I took, there was a *BANG* noise. Moving dead to the wall, I got a good peak outside. The woman on the hood of the car wasn't there, she was at my door.

Entry two:

I made a mad dash for the door, not knowing she was one of "Them." My door flew open right as I made for the handle, she letting out a croaking, loud screech. My ears blistered as she pounced me, trying to take a bite at my chest. Moving my leg to her chest, I kicked her off me. I ran upstairs to my room, grabbing my aluminum baseball-bat to fend this thing off. She busted through my bedroom door, her mouth hungering for my flesh. I swung downward, the aluminum easily crashing down into her skull. She slid off my bat like butter, thudding dead to the floor.

I just looked at her, thinking if she could get up, so can that other one. I locked my door, sliding my dresser in front of it for reinforcement. Sitting against the wall after dragging her corpse into my bathroom, I took a well earned breather. After maybe thirty minutes, I heard gun shots. I inched my head to peek out my curtains. A lone, bald man was running down the street, with maybe ten or fifteen sprinting after him. He tripped over a tipped over trash can, with those things dead on him. Within' seconds, he was swarmed.

Blood and guts slung around the area. With the horde moving on, their hunger was satisfied for now. He lied there in a face-shocked mess, his gun slid right into my bushes. I sprung to the other side of the window, peeking out it again. The street was now quiet, nothing but the wind and cluttered streets, filled with bodies and pancaked cars. The time seemed right to get out of here and get help, the time was now...

Entry three:

I quietly dragged my dresser back a bit, slipping on a T-shirt, a zip-up running jacket, camo-jeans, and combat boots. I tied a bag around my chest, sliding my bat into one of the holders. The door slowly opened up, me stepping out into my hallway. I took very quiet steps, just like in this Assassin movie I saw a week ago. Peeking around the corner, I looked down my steps, seeing and hearing nothing. About half-way down the steps I heard something slip and fall in the kitchen, followed by glass breaking. I must have dozed off to sleep for a few seconds in my room, not hearing one of them going through my door.

Sliding my head out just enough to see into my kitchen, the man from the car hood was standing dead-still in my kitchen, his back turned from the door. I've probably never ever been this quiet in my life, but I proceeded down my steps, keeping my legs as light as they could be. I reached the bottom, stepping on a wood chipping from my door. The monster turned around with a grunt, staring dead at the source of the noise. It stood the for a good five minutes before turning around and running out of the back door, probably hearing another survivor escaping. As I was walking out, I heard a loud screech coming from behind me.. The thing, which was my neighbor, was staring at me with those lifeless eyes.

The monster, which was my friend James, charged at me in a loud, screeching rage. He tackled me down my steps and onto the side-walk. I swiped the monsters legs away, seeing it in that movie. The monster hit the railing that led up to my house hard. I hoped up, sending my boot straight into it's skull, with It slid down to the pavement like a rag doll. I ran to the bushes, digging around for a second. I found what felt like fingers, and yanked. The gun the man was holding had his hand still attached to it, all the way down to his wrists. I pulled the fingers away, putting the Glock into my pocket. I dropped the man's hand in horror, followed by some gagging. I ran to the mangled corpse of the man, feeling around his pockets while trying to fight off the rotting smell. I dug out two clips from what looked like his legs, taking them with a little hope of survival. I slid the two into my same pocket with the Glock.

I started down the road, hoping to find someone....

Anyone.....

Entry four:

I must have jogged maybe five blocks, taking cover in alleyways and abandoned cars. I really didn't know where I was, but I could make out Deadwood Street. I proceeded up the hill, walking up Mantauk Avenue. I made it to the center of the monument-like structure(forgot the name), finding nothing but rows of people covered up in bloody blankets and destroyed police barricades. I looked in shock, thinking how could all this happen over night.. I moved through the tents the Military set up, checking for anything to my use. I found "Storage" and began to dig through the boxes and cases. I found a Combat Shotgun and a box of shells. I learned how to use shotguns when I hunted with my dad, so I was happy with a familiar weapon. I walked out, keeping the shotgun on me tightly.

Moving from cover to cover, through the endless thick fog, I made it to Cassidy Street, before something halted me dead in my tracks. A horde of those undead were swarming a LCPD SWAT van up the road. The flashing lights were on, lighting up the whole area of it's powerless buildings. The things clawed at the top of the van, with three SWAT team members on the roof. They unloaded clip after clip into the hordes bodies, but they kept coming back. I wanted to shout to them to get them in the head, seeing that worked earlier with me bashing their skulls in, but I didn't want to give my position away. I watched in horror as one was tripped and pulled down, half moving away to get a bite of the member. The other two stared in shock as their partner was torn into, him screaming for mercy. Another one leaped off the front and began sprinting down the road, some breaking off to go get him.

The last guy... He just screamed for god's help in bringing him home. Right after that, he pulled his mask off and shot himself in the head. I just stared at the flashing van, everything going dead quiet as those things just pulled his corpse down and began chowing down. I shook my head, starting off into the alley way... I hoped god brought him home......

I hope he brings me home.....

Entry five:

I woke up a few hours later, crashing in an alleyway. I dreamed of my family, friends, and girlfriend, all being eaten alive by those freaks. What I couldn't do was save them, me being tied down to a chair, watching as tears went down my face. I woke up, shotgun ready as I came out of that hell-bent dream... As I came down onto the street, it was dead quiet. The LCPD SWAT van was now covered in blood, still flashing. The undead had moved on, leaving nothing but a few piles of red pools. I kept my shotgun ready, aiming down alleys, into cars, and back and forth for cover. As I opened the SWAT van, there lied another cop. He was horrified, barely able to control his breathing. He looked up at me, like he was just punched in the face, to see another survivor. He jumped out of the van, sprinting down the street. I wanted to call to him, but I saw what was on his arm... A bite mark, with his hand trying to stop the bleeding.

I climbed into the SWAT van, it being practically cleaned out. Searching through the tossed and turned mess, I found myself a SMG. I made the decision of ditching the shotgun for the SMG, seeing it would be best to combat these things from a further distance. Throwing my bag off, I made the ole' switch er' 'oo. I took the box of shells out, and layed them with the shotgun. Following that, I took the SMG and the three clips and lied them in my bag. I decided it might be wise to take the body armor, seeing the zombies trying to chew through to my flesh. I threw it on over my hoodie, hopping out of the van, and back down the dead street...

About maybe.. Ten blocks, a chopper soared by. I threw my hands up waving, but it was no good in this thick fog. Seeing it just barely flying to the bridge, I decided to make my way up there. Maybe there was an evac center there... Maybe it was a military base, taking in people for safety. Who knows, but I decided to make my way there. As I made it just under the highway, a woman and their two kids were running up onto the bridge. I came to the highway, watching the woman and her children run to safety. They were maybe about a hundred feet, calling out that they weren't infected. As soon as she finished, an order was called out... And after that... What I saw, will haunt my nightmares forever. Five soldiers in gas-masks lined up, unloading their Assault Rifles into the three, they dropping dead from the barrage. I just stared at their torn bodies, puking from behind the car. Sooner or later, I became woozy... Then falling over unconscious...

I wondered to myself... Why? Why shoot innocents? Then it hit me....

They were quarantining all of Liberty City, not wanting to risk the infection spreading outside the city... It wasn't safe to get out, because..... We couldn't..........

(End of ACT 1. )
__________----_______________---________________

This was my first major thing I've written. I'm only fourteen, and new to this whole thing, so... Go ahead, point out mistakes! Give me tips! I'd love some for my next ACT!
JonbzJon95
JonbzJon95
I don't run fast.

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Post  DeadApe 18th January 2010, 5:43 pm

WOA wall of text. This is probaly the longest thing anyone has ever written on this website.


Its decent though, I like the GTAIV references to weazel news, the industrial park, dragon tattoo. The only reason I say its decent is because I am getting tired of the same old formula that everyone is following.

1. Everything is normal
2. Woa zombies, I better initiate my zombie killing skills that lay dormant within me
3. Kill zombies
4. Coincidentally finds something VERY useful.


Otherwise good work. For the next Act be sure to put it in this same thread. I would cut down some of the stuff that isn't necessary so you can shorten the length. Try developing the character more.
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Post  JonbzJon95 18th January 2010, 5:48 pm

DeadApe wrote:WOA wall of text. This is probaly the longest thing anyone has ever written on this website.


Its decent though, I like the GTAIV references to weazel news, the industrial park, dragon tattoo. The only reason I say its decent is because I am getting tired of the same old formula that everyone is following.

1. Everything is normal
2. Woa zombies, I better initiate my zombie killing skills that lay dormant within me
3. Kill zombies
4. Coincidentally finds something VERY useful.


Otherwise good work. For the next Act be sure to put it in this same thread. I would cut down some of the stuff that isn't necessary so you can shorten the length. Try developing the character more.

Yeah I know, I did the whole "Find something useful alot" idea. But, I thought of this ahead of time, and plan on doing a certain something with it. The next act is..... Just plain bad luck. (I will say no more)
JonbzJon95
JonbzJon95
I don't run fast.

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Post  ABigSoggy Wafle 18th January 2010, 7:23 pm

Eh, not bad. I am used to not having anything else new to read on this site but, JB's story so to see that someone else is writing is a plus.
Like DeadApe said though, way to plain. Spice it up. Throw a tank at him. Make him fear for his life.(Ignore that, Just read your post.) You don't have to stick to having your character write everything down either. Just bring us to where your character is now.
Great potential though. Keep it up.
ABigSoggy Wafle
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Post  Zomando 18th January 2010, 7:29 pm

DeadApe wrote:Diary of Shao Ingredients
1. Everything is normal
2. Woa zombies, I better initiate my zombie killing skills that lay dormant within me
3. Kill zombies
4. Coincidentally finds something VERY useful.
5. PROFIT.
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Post  Spiderman 18th January 2010, 9:08 pm

JBPURCELL wrote:Diary of Shao Ingredients
1. Everything is normal
2. Woa zombies, I better initiate my zombie killing skills that lay dormant within me
3. Kill zombies
4. Coincidentally finds something VERY useful.
5. PROFIT.
Yeah, expect someone actually read this story.
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