lmao fml kicks ass

i was on fml and i thought im going to put ur guys names in this

Today, deadape called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy.


Today, blithercube dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying" I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I dont know what you're talking about nick ". My name isn't nick. Not even close.

lol this one is for cry XD

Today, I was talked into having sex with my boyfriend of 4 years. I had always wanted to wait till marriage but cry convinced me otherwise. Once we were done, he said he could never marry me because I was no longer pure.

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband master and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with el mexican.

Today, my daughter fattyboy asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen.

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds Garquin makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be Garguin from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is crusher.

there no magicman....

i got u magicman

I dont get it.


I pushed you down the stairs so how could you be pregnant.

Cry Vengeance wrote:I dont get it.


I pushed you down the stairs so how could you be pregnant.

cry ur the one up about not pure

I laugh so hard

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML


Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "Fuck you, Savag3. Don't fuck with me." I'm magicman, Savag3 is my co-worker. FML

Today, I heard my boyfriend blithercube talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell him I love him!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Savage3?" I'm Savag3. FML