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Lost Man Chapter 2 Then There Was Light

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Lost Man Chapter 2 Then There Was Light Empty Lost Man Chapter 2 Then There Was Light

Post  BoomerSooner742 7th August 2009, 12:29 am

Waves splashed against my face as we skipped across the the wavy waters of the Manhattan Coast, me steering the boat as micky set in the front saring at the setting sun.I set quietly focusing on steering the water. Then as I set I decided to break the silence. " Micky , Its not your fault that boy died." " I know . I just wished I had a chance to stop it." He spoke after a few seconds. " We just need to concentrate on finding my brother." " Ya lets do it." He spoke confidetly.

The wind started to pick up and the waves as we got closer to the Jersey shoreline, as the sun was minutes from setting we saw land. We had been on the water for a while and was glad to see land again and get off this fishing boat we are running on fuel anyway. We climbed on to the dock tired and sweaty, filthy, from not taking a shower in five plus days, but we continued on.

We readied our weapons and held them in ready position. It had been a year since ive been in jersey 15 all-time so I didnt fully know my way around. But I knew were the rehab center was. Terry had been there for 4 years. Still cant get off the stuff. He also has a split personality. Messed up kid, hes 6 years younger than me,29 and still cant get his stuff together. But he is me little brother I got to watch out for that punk. Made a promise to ma before she died. So we ascended up the dock stairs and I remebered a building on a street corner, a deli had some good stuff.

The center was several blocks from here but we had to get there. As we went down the street no zombies in site, Micky started asking questions about my brother. Like " Is he a nice guy? " " No" all of the answers were no. But he persist. " Micky eyes up!" "What? Where?" " Gotcha" "Thats not funny man" it got his attention of my brother though which i enjoyed. As we were a couple of blocks from the center some zombies ran out in the street and I gunned them down in mere seconds. I had an instict to kill now I could feel it running through my veins.

As we approached the center I could remember the memorys the first day we took my brother there faculty outside, my brother strung out my mom with a sad look on here face and my girlfriend. I stopped quickly at the steps then continued. Micky with a strange look on face. As we approached the electronic doors they didnt slide open because the power to the city had been shut off. I quickly busted the glass out and crawled through the hole Micky following.

As we walked into the lobby there was several infected scattered across the floor some nurses and docters others in street clothes lay there empty. They all had been killed by gunshot, some missing peices of there head or limbs. I jumped over the registration desk to search the files... Robertson... Terry Robertson 29 Number 45645 Room 15. As I took the file I remebered the keycards to open the doors so I grabbed one of the armless docter, and started down the hall and took a quick shortcut through a restricted area.

As we approached the food courtand started around a corner and was faced with a shotgun 5 feet in front of me in the face. As Micky relized a second later they stranger said " Say somethin" "Hello" " K ur definatly not zombie but who Ar ya " the man spoke with a southern accent. "Jack Robertson and Micky Sardino." the stranger stared for a few seconds his greased hair and large orange mustache. "Alrighty then no need to know my name, what are you doing here?" ... " Looking for my brother... Terry Robertson." " Terry!" his deep voice bellowed ive been feedin that puke for 2 or 3 weeks know ever since they put me in control here." "Go get him then" as we caustiously passed him.
As we went down the dark corridor we peered into the window panels on each door we saw nothing but black. 10... 11... we got closer 12... 13... 14... 15, My brothers door I looked in carefully...and there he set on his bed the same he had looked a year ago.Brown hair Brown eyes and a face like the most ordinary guy you had ever seen, but he was far from ordinary.

As I tapped on his glass he looked up at me and had a glad but not so happy to see me look on his face. I opened the door with the keycard. "Hey glad to see me?" I said first" No but itll have to do" as he stepped out in the hall with his uniform on. He then saw Micky and said" Who is this fat worm?" "Micky lived by me before the infection hit." "Oh lucky him." "Nice to meet you to " Micky said queitly . " Screw you " as terry approached the man with the gun he just smiled and quickly said " Well see you later, buddy." as the man started to reply terry pulled out a carved shank made from a plastic toothbrush and thrust it into the mans eye. As the man screamed he dropped his weapon and fell to hsknees. Terry pulled out the shank and wasnt finished he then turned to the mans stomach stapping multiple times as blood squirted from his eye and stomach the man continued to scream as we watched terrified. He then finished the man by slitting his throat. blood poured from his neck as the sreaming stopped and terry was covered in blood. As terry held him up by his shoulder he laughed In his face, saying " How do you like that for rehab?"As terry lat the man go he sloached foward and hit the ground with a bang.Terry then looked at me. I grabbed the boy and sayed "What was that?" "Just haven a little fun" this was my brothers other persionality this was Conan. I think Micky just found out the answers to his questions.


Last edited by ketchmeone on 8th August 2009, 11:13 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : spacing)
BoomerSooner742
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Post  ABigSoggy Wafle 7th August 2009, 3:05 am

Not bad actually. Try indenting for each new character in dialog and add a little more feeling into it. Great improvement.
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Post  Eaglendia 7th August 2009, 8:41 am

Pretty good, but you'll definitely get more reads if you break up the wall of text.
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Post  Made in Finland 7th August 2009, 8:48 am

Use the Enter button. Right now that's a huge wall of text, and I'm not even gonna try to read it.
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Post  BoomerSooner742 11th August 2009, 8:57 pm

whoops
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